Self-Talk, 6

Say your 8-year-old neighbor shared that they were having a hard time feeling good enough. You would respond by...telling them to "get it together" and shame-talking them into a socially acceptable presentation? Nah. You would be compassionate and patient, mindful that they were having a hard time. You are capable of being compassionate and patient with yourself. Why? Because you do it with other people. _ Journal Prompt: Being compassionate with myself would mean... Being patient with myself would look like...

Self-Talk, 5

Your self-talk is an attempt at behavior modification. _ Journal Prompt: For better or for worse, how does self-talk mold your behavior?

Self-Talk, 4

Repetitive and distorting, self-talk can be incredibly misleading when it tries to interpret your current experience. A common cycle might look like: Review inadequacies. Feel bad. Ridicule and berate yourself. Feel bad. Make a plan to do differently. Feel a little less bad. Limp forward. Journal Prompt: My cycle...

Self-Talk, 3

What your self-talk often misses, is the gray. Internal rigidity is perpetually on defense and declines the off-ramp of alternative interpretations. Journal Prompts: My rigidity says... An alternative interpretation would be...

Self-Talk, 2

Some of the most distressing self-talk is the type that moves you toward isolation. When your self-talk is moving you to isolation, it is a signal that your least objective self is taking the mic. Journal Prompts: My isolating self-talk sounds like... My least objective self...

Self-Talk, 1

Your internal dialogue—like a news ticker—is self-talk. Sometimes it sounds like your favorite coach. Sometimes it sounds like a dictator. Sometimes it sounds like your wild aunt. Despite your current flavor of self-talk, your behavior and emotional states take note. We all need strategies to remain living the life we want, despite the hijacking attempts of self-talk. Journal Prompts: My self-talk sounds like... My current strategy is...

Manipulation, 9

Behind manipulation is often an intolerance of autonomy. What would it be like to resist the constant work of leveraging and influencing? How does your movement in the world change when you tolerate autonomy? Journal Prompts: I find it difficult to tolerate... Without constant influence, I would...

Manipulation, 8

Messing with someone's emotional state with the intention to guide your agenda is manipulation. It can't be understated that some folks have only learned to ask for what they need in this manner. The thought process might be, Only when there is a sad story can I lay bare a need. It is okay to call out the need directly if you are feeling manipulated. You are allowed to ask people to speak directly. Journal Prompts: My emotional state feels messed with when... If I ask for direct communication...

Manipulation, 7

Using emotional pressure to enforce a specific perimeter of behavior is manipulation. For example, I will berate and shame you in front of people if you behave outside of my desires. This is different from a healthy boundary. A healthy boundary acts from a place of value and clear language, not reactive and emotional revenge. A boundary says, this is not okay with me and then takes action inservice of emotional safety. Manipulation hovers and attempts to control behavior with emotional aggression. - Journal Prompts: Instead of attempts at manipulation, I need to set a boundary with... It feels emotionally aggressive when...

Manipulation, 6

Withdrawal can be a form of manipulation. Contrary to the common name, "silent treatment," this type of withdrawal is actually screaming. Withdrawal manipulates by loudly threatening attachment and punishing with isolation. At exhaustion—Overrun with internally explosive and festering emotions—the manipulated will raise the white flag in surrender. - Journal Prompts: I withdraw when... My withdrawal is actually screaming... I raise the white flag when...