Day 10 Boundaries are allowed to evolve. They are allowed to adjust when you find that they are not working for you. And, it's imperative that you have an internally stated line. You need a working theory of what and where your limits are. You cannot run trials on an ambiguous, constantly-moving goalpost of your … Continue reading Boundary Renaissance, 10 →

Day 9 It is near impossible to set boundaries if over-extending is your identity and source of value.Boundary setting will meet significant internal friction If your sense of value comes from being: The giverThe leaderThe rescuerThe contributorThe steady personThe clean-up personThe responsible personHear me, these parts of you are good and kind and helpful, until … Continue reading Boundary Renaissance, 9 →

Hammers & Breathing Room

Hammers & Breathing Room

Day 6 While actions will be the “setting boundaries” part, it’s helpful to have language around boundary actions. I am willing to live with…I am not willing to live with…You have the right to make your own choice.And, if you choose _____ I will need to ______.I feel ____ and I need to ______. Your … Continue reading Boundary Renaissance, 6 →

Day 5 Repetition is an expected part of boundary setting. How long did it take you to learn your phone number?Those are benign numbers.Boundary setting is changing well-trodden systems of interaction. Setting boundaries are wrapped in relationship nuances, feelings, and history.Thus, repeating boundary actions (practice) is an expected part of the change process. Tough, because … Continue reading Boundary Renaissance, 5 →

Day 4 Boundaries are your actions, not your words.In most relationship contexts, we have more choice than we think. If your boundary is to stop engaging in a conversation when overwhelmed,you stop talking and remove yourself.If your boundary is that you are unable to help someone when you are overextended,you do not offer help.If your … Continue reading Boundary Renaissance, 4 →

Day 3 How has it worked thus far to flatten your boundaries in service of avoiding the eyes of disappointment?Short-term, it extends the warmth of avoiding your anxiety.Long-term, a build of your exhaustion, resentment, and overwhelm.Is this plan sustainable? Is anxiety avoidance working for you? Journal Prompts:When I sacrifice my boundaries I…I flatten my boundaries … Continue reading Boundary Renaissance, 3 →

Day 2 Pay attention to your anxiety and you will find what needs a boundary. Consider rest.Do you ignore the body’s signals for rest to meet another’s expectation? The short-term win of anxiety avoidance is quick to tower over the anxiety-inducing experience of disappointing others. For the longterm gain, setting boundaries will ask you to … Continue reading Boundary Renaissance, 2 →