Be a Burden

Stingy vulnerability is harming us. Autonomy touted. Needing shamed. Prove how much you don't need anyone, but then sit solo, likely scrolling, wishing you mattered enough to be needed. If I had a dollar for every person who told me they didn't want to be "a burden". Someone. Somewhere. Needs to learn how to be a burden so people can again feel connected. Might taking turns being a burden be the actual thing we are after? Read, not the destination, but the journey. Belittle the pride, let humanity spill haphazardly on the floor. Unsanitized. Unedited. No filter. The problem with never needing anyone or anything is that you become complicit in cycles of not needing. The appearance of not needing? Is that what we are after here? All while passive bids for needing remain pulsing beneath, hoping for people to see you as you are, naked, hanging on a branch without a fail safe. Might you be reckless and need someone? Put in your community service hours. Risk allowing someone to catch you. Lean into the warmth of being with, the intimacy of need, the willingness to trust.

New Audio Course on Boundaries

The Anxious Person's Guide to Boundaries Is Here If you've ever said "I need better boundaries" and then immediately felt overwhelmed about what that actually means, this course was made for you. I spent a lot of time thinking about what gets in the way of real, sustainable boundary setting. And what I kept coming … Continue reading New Audio Course on Boundaries →

Boundary Renaissance, 10

Day 10 Boundaries are allowed to evolve. They are allowed to adjust when you find that they are not working for you. And, it's imperative that you have an internally stated line. You need a working theory of what and where your limits are. You cannot run trials on an ambiguous, constantly-moving goalpost of your … Continue reading Boundary Renaissance, 10 →

Boundary Renaissance, 9

Day 9 It is near impossible to set boundaries if over-extending is your identity and source of value.Boundary setting will meet significant internal friction If your sense of value comes from being: The giverThe leaderThe rescuerThe contributorThe steady personThe clean-up personThe responsible personHear me, these parts of you are good and kind and helpful, until … Continue reading Boundary Renaissance, 9 →

Boundary Renaissance, 8

Hammers & Breathing Room

Boundary Renaissance, 7

Hammers & Breathing Room

Boundary Renaissance, 6

Day 6 While actions will be the “setting boundaries” part, it’s helpful to have language around boundary actions. I am willing to live with…I am not willing to live with…You have the right to make your own choice.And, if you choose _____ I will need to ______.I feel ____ and I need to ______. Your … Continue reading Boundary Renaissance, 6 →

Boundary Renaissance, 5

Day 5 Repetition is an expected part of boundary setting. How long did it take you to learn your phone number?Those are benign numbers.Boundary setting is changing well-trodden systems of interaction. Setting boundaries are wrapped in relationship nuances, feelings, and history.Thus, repeating boundary actions (practice) is an expected part of the change process. Tough, because … Continue reading Boundary Renaissance, 5 →

Boundary Renaissance, 4

Day 4 Boundaries are your actions, not your words.In most relationship contexts, we have more choice than we think. If your boundary is to stop engaging in a conversation when overwhelmed,you stop talking and remove yourself.If your boundary is that you are unable to help someone when you are overextended,you do not offer help.If your … Continue reading Boundary Renaissance, 4 →

Boundary Renaissance, 3

Day 3 How has it worked thus far to flatten your boundaries in service of avoiding the eyes of disappointment?Short-term, it extends the warmth of avoiding your anxiety.Long-term, a build of your exhaustion, resentment, and overwhelm.Is this plan sustainable? Is anxiety avoidance working for you? Journal Prompts:When I sacrifice my boundaries I…I flatten my boundaries … Continue reading Boundary Renaissance, 3 →