Predictable. If you could expect a range of reasonably healthy behaviors from your parents, life was somewhat predictable. Like if you watched your parent get frustrated and they ranged from coaching themself through deep breaths, maybe dropping a few curse words, and then moving on with the day, life was predictable. Conversely, if you experienced a wide range of behaviors, often touching categories of unhealthy, life was not predictable. Like if you watched your parent get frustrated and was unsure if you would watch a person become, verbally aggressive, or calm, or throw a dish, or be manipulative, or be ice silent for an unknown amount of time, life was not predictable. Too much unknown, especially within unhealthy behaviors, lays footprints of insecurity for kids. Kids who struggle with insecurity can become adults who struggle with insecurity. Journal Prompts: I could expect... The range of parent responses were... As an adult, my relationships have a range of behaviors like...
Tag: Mindfulness
The Impact of Parents, 2
Present. If your parents were able to break through the chaos of adult problems and find moments of eye contact and present warmth, the message was, you are valued, you belong here. If olympic strides were needed to gain engaged connection with your parents, you began to wonder, do I matter here? If thoughts and feelings were dismissed, minimized, or even ignored, steel footprints for 30-story buildings began to form for protection. It would be easy for a child to begin to wonder if they are really alone here. The impact is found in your current adult relationships. Do you live with a sentiment of value and belonging? Is your 30-story building fully built-out with stainless-steel appliances and a doorman? Journal Prompts: My parents were present when... My thoughts mattered when... I needed my parents to be present when...
The Impact of Parents, 1
There are no perfect parents. There are human parents. And, there were parent experiences that helped you find a step ladder to reach the top shelf instead of walking past while you were reaching and straining from your tippy toes.Why does your parent experience matter? It was your first social relationship. It laid the tracks … Continue reading The Impact of Parents, 1
A Journal Prompt for Dropping the Ball
Does dropping the proverbial ball need to define you? Might you shelf your character assassination for the acknowledgement that there is much happening outside of your control. Journal Prompt: ...is out of my control
Gaps
You respond to what is missing. Life will absolutely leave gaps. If you spend your life arranging everything around what is missing, you live in reactivity. What would it look like if the gaps were not in the driver’s seat? Journal Prompts: I arrange around... If my gaps didn’t drive, I would...
Journal Prompt
Mental piling is when you stack and track several things at one time. Even small triggers will push you over the edge if you are always riding near your capacity. Your emotional system has limits, even if you have trouble with them. Journal Prompts: I am currently tracking and stacking... My emotional system says the limit is...
Journal Prompt
Almost Decisions
Self-Talk, 9
And sometimes your self-talk is there to loudspeaker that it is time to act. It's rolled around and nagged enough. It is time to try something and give yourself the opportunity to fail or move forward. You need more information than what is left alone in your head. Journal Prompts: If I listened to the nagging I would... I most fear...
Self-Talk, 8
When you feel cornered by your self-talk, it's a sign that it is more interested in control than the context. Journal Prompts: The last time I felt cornered by my self-talk was... I feel controlled by my self-talk when... My self-talk missed the context of...
