Power and Control, 8

Criticism. People deteriorate when they are constantly criticized. Especially, when they receive it from someone that loves them. They give up. They give in. They hesitantly agree to become a robot. Criticism becomes a tool for power. Journal Prompt: Criticism has power to...

Power and Control, 7

Name-calling. Name-calling is an attempt at controlling behavior and displaying dominance. To be on the receiving end of name-calling feels like you are being poked in the space left behind from a hangnail. Vulnerable. Humiliated. Name-calling rejects and demeans the human in service of molding. Journal Prompt: Name-calling has felt...

Power and Control, 6

Guilt. Guilt is an emotion, a normal emotion experienced in the human condition. The danger of guilt sprouts when someone uses it to gain control in a relationship. The APA Dictionary highlights that guilt sufferers maintain, "readiness to take action". Sure, guilt can prompt healthy responses like amends and making a change for the better. But, a person who feels guilt may also be primed to do something harmful or unhealthy. When guilt becomes a manipulative tool it is an abuse of power. Journal Prompts: I experience guilt when... I use guilt when...

Power and Control, 5

Gaslighting. In gaslighting, your lived experience is discounted. It's put out on the side street for super clearance. Gaslighting demands that only one perspective counts, and that is the one who is tearing down your perspective. Refresh your screen and remind yourself that you are gifted your own perspective. If someone has the power to demean your reality, they have too much control. Journal Prompt: My perspective feels...

Power and Control, 4

Intimidation. Intimidation gets less airtime than physical violence but carries out a similar function–power and control. Intimidation capitalizes on fear to gain wanted outcomes. Intimidation includes (but not limited to), aggressive language, damaging property, threats of physical violence, hostile physical posturing, and yelling or screaming. Journal Prompt: I have felt intimidated...

Power and Control, 3

Blame. Excessive blaming of one partner is a move for power. It puts the blamer in the position of superiority. It gives the illusion that responsibility for the blamer has evaporated. Healthy relationships recognize that both partners have responsibility of the state of the relationship and the direction it is going. Journal Prompt: I need to take responsibility of...

Power and Control, 2

Minimize. Healthy relationships happen when both experiences matter, not one more than another, not one less than another, both, with equal shares of mattering. Minimizing, is a communication pattern where someone's experience matters less. Someone's experience is shrink-wrapped. It's made trivial and they themselves feel insignificant. Overtime, minimizing leads to doubt and diluted self-trust. Journal Prompt: I felt that my experience was minimized when...

Power and Control, 1

Fear. Fear opens the door to power and control. If there is panic that something will be lost, security, connection, or belonging, people respond. Journal Prompt: In relationships I fear... For the sake of this series, we will not talk about abuse that has escalated to physical and sexual violence, obvious offenses that need to be taken seriously, here is a resource for more help. In this series rather, we'll process more subtle patterns that can as well be damaging to relationships.