Avoidance. Stress on the relationship compounds when you avoid conflict. Other words for avoid: ignore, dismiss, minimize, dodge, my favorite, side step. Avoidance can feel as though you are providing a neighborly service for your relationship; I am, "keeping the peace" and "not rocking the boat". In the short-term, avoidance is rewarding. It frees you from conflict anxiety and provides the illusion of peace. But, longterm avoidance builds and often surprises you with out-of-context reactions. These reactions can create more damage and will certainly involve the conflict you were previously avoiding. Avoidance is not a sustainable way to manage conflict. Journal Prompt: Process and describe any conflict building up for you.

Unbalanced. Fights are not fair if there is only one right way. If relationships function as if there is, only one right way, then, only one person is being represented. Relationships are left out of balance. Underrepresented partners get lost. Brent Atkinson, a respected couples therapist and researcher, highlights how important it is to acknowledge and respect that there are many right ways to do life and approach relationships. Conflict needs to make room for many right ways if they aim to be fair. Journal Prompt: Conflict would feel more balanced if...

Everyone loses when you fight beyond your stress limits. You have been misled to believe that you ought to battle out every conflict to the bitter end. Your conflict, trudging a worn path of re-runs and greatest hits. Please. Go to bed mad. Allow yourself a break to calm down. A break, not an excuse to avoid conflict. A break for your brain to return to a calmer and problem-solving mode. The experts say at least 20 minutes, but up to 24 hours. Fight fair by expecting and asserting more timeouts in conflict. Journal Prompts: I wish I would have taken a break... I wish someone else would have taken a break when...

Passive aggressive moves are unfair and confusing in conflict. Passive aggression punishes through indirect communication. For instance, intentionally delaying a text. Or, accidentally forgetting to do something. The Gottman Institute, a research organization for relationships, highlights other sly ways passive aggressive moves surface. The institute states, "Sometimes a person uses humor to express hostility and then accuses you of being 'too sensitive'.” Passive aggressive communication is a tricky way to fight. The actions are confusing. They can seem benign, and also, an intentional way to release anger. Passive aggressive communication is a signal you might have difficulty communicating directly. In another example, a passive aggressive move might be purposefully withdrawing from conversation because you feel angry and then later describing your action as neutral, "I wasn't mad, I was just tired". Who could blame you for being tired? At best, passive aggressive moves release anger temporarily. At worst, they slowly chew at the foundation of your relationship. Journal Prompt: I have used passive aggressive moves to communicate...