There are people you are holding on to that are not meant to follow you into this phase of life. They were for a different season. It is time to transition. You can have gratitude for the time they were in your life. You can grieve that it is different now. You can release the guilt that they need to be forced in. Journal Prompts: It is definitely time to let go of... Perhaps it is time to let go of... If I let go, it would free me up to...

Healthy boundaries do not need to be sacrificed on the altar of community. If you have sacrificed too much, for too long, it's not community, it's a project. Projects can fill voids and give you a sense of meaning. No knocks for projects, and, genuine community is not perpetually lopsided. Side benefit, you'll tackle resentment when you identify and accept what you are a part of. Journal Prompts: My project is... My community is...

The pain from skipping paced trust-building is why many give up on community. If you leap from mailman conversation to sharing your deepest and darkest, without proper vetting, your emotional safety is left to chance. Stride by stride you can gather data about how a person can be trusted. - Journal Prompts: I pace… I have learned that my core is safe with… Perhaps I can share more with… Perhaps I need to share less with…

I geared up to put a winged, body-armor-like massage belt back into its original case. We gave it to my mother-in-law for Christmas, who then gave it back. I was surprised to find that I didn't struggle to put it back into its home. Most of my experiences returning something back into its original packaging involve squishing and violence. But this bag fit what it needed, no forcing. I immediately wanted to call the manufacturer and express my gratitude hoping that, someone, somewhere would let the design gods know that this is a necessary endeavor to repeat. Because forcing is frustrating and takes all your energy. Sustainable community is not forced. Journal Prompts: I force... ...does not feel right.

Healthy community necessitates healthy separateness. - Experiment with leaving behind the pressure facade of sameness. Wonder about tolerating perceived threats of differences. - Resist the impulse to meld into another. Find the ground under your two feet and connect at the hand. Journal Prompts: I have a difficult time tolerating differences like... If we are the same then...

Everyone has anxiety about connecting, ease yours with parallel activities. Parallel activities are shared experiences that do not require the pressure of constant eye contact. They share focus with a beautiful art piece or reaching for a tennis ball, loosening the choke hold you have on expectations of yourself and others. - Journal Prompts: I have anxiety about... I ease my anxiety with... I expect myself to... I expect others to...

If you are drawn to quiet rooms and introspection, dance clubs will not be where you find sustainable community. Being honest and realistic is necessary to finding community. Without honesty, you force what is unnatural. You grow frustrated and resentful, widening the gap between your core and your outside display (read, the opposite of a sense of belonging). Experiment with me. I am weekly impressed with the meet-ups that exist in the world. For fun, look up your actual interests: https://www.meetup.com/ This is a sample of groups happening this week: AI & Appetizers Puzzle meetup and swap For the introverts and shy group (Online) Astrology for beginners Coffee and Chess Job hunting group Pugs in the Park Food Prep 101 (Online) People are looking for you. - Journal Prompts: I am interested in... I am not interested in...

The scarcity echo that there are not enough people around interested in connecting is avoidance. It is far more likely that your anxiety about connection is a barrier rather than a limited supply. Journal Prompts: Most people... I feel anxious about connecting when...

Your urge for a sense of belonging is a biological feature, not something you choose to add a la carte. - Journal Prompts: I belong... I want to experience belonging...