Fleeting comfort is your reward for avoidance–a short-term sigh of relief.
Boundaries: Journal Prompt Series
Setting Boundaries Series: Journal Prompt 1
In the next 10 days I will take 10 principles of boundaries and provide a journal prompt for reflection. It can be difficult to know where to start with boundaries. I suggest looking inward at where the energy is. Which direction does your emotional energy go? Work? Relationships? Your kids? Your home? Let’s give space … Continue reading Setting Boundaries Series: Journal Prompt 1
6 Things You Can Do Now When Someone You Love is Struggling with Alcohol
It may come as a surprise the steps don't include, "help person get into a treatment program" or "help person drink less". I imagine these are options you have already tried. I believe it to be more helpful to work through areas within your control.
An Essay on Fear
I’ll lock you up with protection, I’ll keep you confined to small margins of happiness.
Stress Margin
Margin: The space between reasonable stress and unreasonable. I’m always curious about the real put together human that all of a sudden falls apart in public. Truly, there’s something sacred happening here. I have the urge to put out construction signs and say, “Caution Ahead, give this human some space, they are going to need … Continue reading Stress Margin
Re-Engage the Body to Heal
Photo by Miguel Bruna on Unsplash For healing, the body leads; the conduit of output as input. . . . . . . . . Felt in the far back molars of the jaw, stress saran wrap clings to the body. While the body takes on the occupation as a stress manager, it is unlikely to be a … Continue reading Re-Engage the Body to Heal
Peace and Suffering
Without the experience of suffering would all good and peace just be ignored and expected?
Boundary Renaissance, 10
Day 10 Boundaries are allowed to evolve. They are allowed to adjust when you find that they are not working for you. And, it's imperative that you have an internally stated line. You need a working theory of what and where your limits are. You cannot run trials on an ambiguous, constantly-moving goalpost of your … Continue reading Boundary Renaissance, 10
Boundary Renaissance, 9
Day 9 It is near impossible to set boundaries if over-extending is your identity and source of value.Boundary setting will meet significant internal friction If your sense of value comes from being: The giverThe leaderThe rescuerThe contributorThe steady personThe clean-up personThe responsible personHear me, these parts of you are good and kind and helpful, until … Continue reading Boundary Renaissance, 9
Boundary Renaissance, 8
Hammers & Breathing Room
Boundary Renaissance, 7
Hammers & Breathing Room
Boundary Renaissance, 6
Day 6 While actions will be the “setting boundaries” part, it’s helpful to have language around boundary actions. I am willing to live with…I am not willing to live with…You have the right to make your own choice.And, if you choose _____ I will need to ______.I feel ____ and I need to ______. Your … Continue reading Boundary Renaissance, 6
Boundary Renaissance, 5
Day 5 Repetition is an expected part of boundary setting. How long did it take you to learn your phone number?Those are benign numbers.Boundary setting is changing well-trodden systems of interaction. Setting boundaries are wrapped in relationship nuances, feelings, and history.Thus, repeating boundary actions (practice) is an expected part of the change process. Tough, because … Continue reading Boundary Renaissance, 5
Boundary Renaissance, 4
Day 4 Boundaries are your actions, not your words.In most relationship contexts, we have more choice than we think. If your boundary is to stop engaging in a conversation when overwhelmed,you stop talking and remove yourself.If your boundary is that you are unable to help someone when you are overextended,you do not offer help.If your … Continue reading Boundary Renaissance, 4
Boundary Renaissance, 3
Day 3 How has it worked thus far to flatten your boundaries in service of avoiding the eyes of disappointment?Short-term, it extends the warmth of avoiding your anxiety.Long-term, a build of your exhaustion, resentment, and overwhelm.Is this plan sustainable? Is anxiety avoidance working for you? Journal Prompts:When I sacrifice my boundaries I…I flatten my boundaries … Continue reading Boundary Renaissance, 3
Boundary Renaissance, 2
Day 2 Pay attention to your anxiety and you will find what needs a boundary. Consider rest.Do you ignore the body’s signals for rest to meet another’s expectation? The short-term win of anxiety avoidance is quick to tower over the anxiety-inducing experience of disappointing others. For the longterm gain, setting boundaries will ask you to … Continue reading Boundary Renaissance, 2
Boundary Renaissance, 1
Day 1 Boundaries are difficult. Full stop.Before you declare a boundary renaissance, would you first be willing to look inward? Sustainable boundaries are set and (important part) maintained, when you are aware of what is happening internally.Sustainable boundaries are set when you are…willing to be aware.open, not dismissive to body signals.listening and not minimizing your … Continue reading Boundary Renaissance, 1
Mental Health & Journaling 