Manipulation.
A powerful boundary to set with family members is recognizing and resisting manipulation.
Manipulation: attempting to make someone feel bad, in order to control behavior.
Manipulation can be steeped in communication, especially with family. And because it’s family, you may quickly assume poor intent, but often, manipulation is a communication pattern people have learned to use—over many, many years—to get their needs met. So while manipulation is certainly a problematic communication style, it can be an understandable behavior. Don’t we all want to get our needs met?
Yes, but let’s be direct about it.
The problem with manipulation is that it communicates indirectly. It is confusing. It is avoidant. It is unhealthy. Further, overtime manipulation brings tension and resentment to relationships.
Boundary work:
You are capable of recognizing manipulation and naming it.
You are capable of asking people to use more direct communication.
Journal Prompt: I have felt manipulated when…
Mental Health & Journaling
Brooke James | Marriage & Family Therapist, Writer
Mental Health & Journaling 
I felt manipulated when my aunt tried to make me feel bad for telling my grandmother (her mother) that it was not a good time to visit.
Good on you for still voicing your boundaries!
Thank you! As you might suspect, it felt like a challenge and there was blowback.
Harriett Lerner in the “Dance of Anger” talks about the blowback as “Counter Moves”. It’s a good read if you are looking for more content on this.
Thanks for this recommendation! It sounds like something right up my alley.
Ooof, this was both triggering and enlightening. I’m so unbelievably proud to be at a place in my recovery where I now value myself, trust myself, and can actively spot manipulation and choose to surround myself safe (non-abusive) people.
Some wise words in here, thank you so much for sharing. We can learn so much from these tough experiences.