The roots of your conflict often show up in two areas–differentiation and secure attachment. To thrive, relationships need both individual space and connected safety, a deficit in either can cause tension and conflict in your relationship.
Consider differentiation (not to be confused with disconnection). Differentiation is the investment in yourself as a distinct person, outside of your partner. For example, engaging in a hobby or a night away that is fulfilling for you, without your partner.
If instead, you have melted into your partner’s identity, pressure builds to be all things to each other. This is too much much pressure, and a quick way to become claustrophobic and resentful.
Do you need more differentiation in your relationship?
Consider secure attachment—the feeling of safety and stability you have in your relationship. On the other side of many conflicts, is a lack of predictability, a relationship starving for safety, a need of more overlap and investment of energy and time. A sense of security in your relationship has little doubt your partner will show up for you when you need them. A sense of security means, you have no reservations that your partner will notice if something is wrong.
Do you need more security in your relationship?
Journal Prompts:
I need secure attachment…
I need differentiation…
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Mental Health & Journaling 