Margin: The space between reasonable stress and unreasonable.
I’m always curious about the real put together human that all of a sudden falls apart in public. Truly, there’s something sacred happening here. I have the urge to put out construction signs and say, “Caution Ahead, give this human some space, they are going to need a minute, it’s been a lot of holding it together.”
Humanity under stress is happening here; the margin has collapsed between reasonable stress and unreasonable. This is what it means to be human amidst chronic high stress in a global pandemic.
The goal isn’t: avoid losing it at all cost. It’s letting the helium balloon pop where it is safe to do so. Perhaps around strangers in the CVS line, no one is resourced to care about the miles of stress that has brought us here, but it signals the need for compassion and an opportunity to monitor our stress.
Rather than avoid falling apart during a global pandemic, minding the collateral damage that comes from falling apart seems more obtainable.
Collateral damage: The words, behaviors, or actions outside of our value system that occur during high stress.
The power is in awareness of our margins, they inform our needs.
Stress is not a one time jolt of strong coffee in the morning, these restrained 1 cup people I keep hearing about. Nah, stress is more like an unmonitored IV of coffee, you breakout into jitters if you don’t pace yourself and take breaks for protein.
Since we know stress is cumulative and not all at once, our margin between reasonable stress and unreasonable is something we can practice observing and managing.
I think a 1-10 scale is the simplest tool to manage and observe stress. For example, at a “1” we are at the beach and carry the main stress of how not to get sand in our turkey sandwich, while at a “10” we feel emotionally and literally that life is threatening the end. The closer we are to a “1” the more stress we can tolerate, the closer we are to a “10” the more our margin shrinks. *Each person’s scale and tolerance will vary.
The main goal of monitoring is to reduce collateral damage, at a “4” we can do something about the direction of our stress because we have enough margin to see clearly. At a “7” our glasses are foggy and finding the right place to fall apart is unlikely at best. At a “7” we need self-compassion and space; we need our environment to be okay for us to fall apart in.
To decrease collateral damage, at a “7” we avoid difficult conversations and putting ourselves in circumstances that increase and maintain high stress. We then return to these conversations and circumstances when we are closer to a “4”, when we can see and observe our value system.
For today, perhaps there aren’t 17 things you do for self-care, perhaps it’s just tracking our stress number. We can monitor our number and allow it to inform our space, environment, and needs. And if we are the person in the CVS line that needs a minute, we meet ourselves with compassion and recognize, we are truly and only human. We have a finite amount of stress we can cope with. And we try again tomorrow.
Peace & Gratitude
Photo Credit: Agê Barros on Unsplash
Mental Health & Journaling 