Mindfulness you are distressing. You allure me to numbing when you see me with transparency. You daily tempt me to numb my eyes, hands, and heart.
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I consider for a moment what it’s like to be connected to the present.
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I quickly recall, like abrasive film strips, my last journey. It was too difficult, too painful, and far too overwhelming.
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I push back and retreat into avoidance. It fills my mind with bumpers to the collisions. It feathers my fall. At last, I release a sigh of relief, and bathe in the comfort and familiarity of sweet disconnection.
I methodically swallow my hurt. I give way to responsibility for my path.
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Oh glorious thanks to the numbing which has bubbled over me like the over poured ale.
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I survey my surroundings.
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I notice my contribution has ended. I am aware my legs no longer fixate on what needs movement.
The courtesy fog does me great favor in sealing off my need for honesty. I no longer tempt the inner world. The fear subsides.
I can rest. Here I am.
I am not happy, but I’m also not sad. I just exist.
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An uninvited break in the noise occurs and reminds me of a scene in a path I once followed. It brings me back, it requests my soul ever so quietly to connect again.
To try again.
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I consider abandoning my distraction to re-engage in my path.
I decline.
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Again, the uninvited voice inside of me requests an honest view. I begrudgingly consider clearing the fog and removing the bumpers.
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I half heartedly reach for a mirror. The mirror has no filters.
I retreat.
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Again, I consider re-engagement. I see the possibility of interceding for myself and experience glimpses of connection.
Some place inside of me finds the desire for movement.
I see Myself.
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I am tempted to numb my sight. But this time I resist.
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I slowly re-engage.
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I sober up my sight.
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I reconnect.
Where is my next right step?
I look inside. I re-engage with my mind. I invite my body again to speak. I take the next right step forward.
Peace. Love. Gratitude.
Mental Health & Journaling 