Grieving

Grief can be loss, death, change, or disappointment. Each individuals’ process is different yet the process remains the same.

We lost our son 4 years ago to a horrific and rare bacterial infection. His name was Rory.

Rory lived and breathed on this earth for a little over 3 hours, all of which he spent fighting for his life.

My husband was the only one to see Rory open his eyes. He stood guard while the doctors tried to stop the bleeding.

I spent most of those 3 hours holding my breath from a patient bed, in panic, praying, and on ice from a less than desirable labor and delivery.

When I finally held him for the first time and said goodbye simultaneously, we were surrounded by a few family members.

In that sacred moment, I lost part of my soul.

Since that day, we have grieved an ocean of tears and missed memories. It’s the terribly unfortunate part of grief. It never leaves you, it persists and follows you through life.

Grief is a new way of living, it changes us permanently.

We are often given two choices in how to grieve: acknowledge the hurt and missing pieces or, dismiss the raw emotions and privately embrace their regular collision to our soul.

When we acknowledge, we resist the loneliness of private collisions.

Acknowledgement attends to the needs of our soul, it allows people to feel with us and offers no timeline. Speaking grief and loss allows you to acknowledge the missing pieces of your life.

I have since come to show gratitude for the persistence of grief as it reminds me of Rory. The hurt connects me to the reality of his existence.

Grieve with me.

For today, I miss the 4-year-old that is supposed to also be sick on the couch with me and my 2-year-old. I miss the chaos he was supposed to bring to my life, the things he was going to teach me about myself, the extra car seat I was suppose to install, and the extra clothes I was suppose to change over from winter to spring.

Grieving is personal. Give space to grieve loss, death, change, and disappointment.