My last post was on fighting depression through deep connections and relationships. In following that post, I think it’s important to talk about a principle within deep connection, engagement. In contrast, to many surface and monotonous relationships, deep relationships connect with our being. Engagement connects with the idea of intentionally hearing and understanding those around you. Engagement, is purposeful attention to the present.
What does being engaged look like?
Being engaged and present means, not being concerned about the next meeting or appointment while attending to a conversation in the present. In addition, being present is not fixating on the a past frustration while attempting to tune into a current conversation. Being present is not lingering in the past or the future, rather, being engaged is an experience that happens in the now.
To be engaged, likely you will be connected at some level mentally and emotionally.
Giving someone else access to yourself emotionally and mentally is a part of healthy social engagement.
In relationships,
The opposite of engagement, feels like disconnection, preoccupation, carelessness and distraction. The opposite of engagement looks like two radios sitting in a room turned towards each other broadcasting their own agenda without validation, questions or understanding.
Rather, engagement feels like understanding, intentionality, time and connection.
What does engagement give us?
Engagement gives us the ability to really hear.
If we are too distracted, we often miss the subtle needs and bids from the people we love and care about.
If we are disconnected, we miss out on opportunities to make other people feel heard. If we are too careless and do not hear due to our disengagement, we often misunderstand what we hear. Intentionally engaging allows hearing and understanding.
Engagement allows us to empathize. Empathy is the act of communicating one’s understanding of another’s feelings. Empathy is a form of engagement that can connect two people deeply. Lack of engagement, dismisses the ability to connect through empathy and understanding. Lack of engagement furthers states we work so hard to fight, like isolation and depression.
Rather, engagement is an opportunity to give someone a gift of your full attention. This opportunity is where you intentionally choose to give mental space to another while setting aside your own agenda.
At the baseline of humanity, engagement allows a person to experience life with another.
Engagement is a lost art.
I feel like a broken record alluding to all the ways one can be distracted, but technology has threatened our ability to intentionally engage. Engagement, even if attempted, is often thwarted by constant stimulation of technology.
The consequence…
Without engagement, we often find ourselves doing life on autopilot. I am sure you have had the mornings or evenings that encompass a lack of attention that run away with no actual connection to the present. The consequence of not engaging, is many moments lived in low quality and in a constant state of distraction.
Engagement takes practice.
Our countercultural desire to engage takes practice. Certainly leaving behind distractions is unrealistic many times. But certainly there are reasonable times you can step away from the possibility of distraction to engage, ask questions, be a part of the human experience and connect intimately with those around you, that you love and care about.
Becoming engaged is purposeful, intentional and focused in the present. Engagement is a powerful element to deep relationships and further, fighting depression. Foster engagement in your life by intentionally choosing engagement over mindless distraction.
Photo credit: http://www.courtneyalyson.com
Mental Health & Journaling 