Ever wonder how people really are? Are they really the same person you see? I do. I’m sure I am not alone in this.
This idea is labeled congruence in the counseling field.
Perhaps you remember this math concept:
Congruence in counseling describes an individual’s harmony with themselves. For today, let’s focus on three areas: at work, play and at home. What would you say about the harmony of who you are in these three environments? How would you rate your comfort and peace level with yourself in these environments?
It is quite normal to experience some differences of behavior while you are in different environments. You may be mostly the same person in all three areas but display specific parts of yourself, when needed.
For example, in general you may be a fairly easy going person, but at work you may display a more structured and timely part of yourself. Adapting to a work structure would not be considered incongruence. Adapting to a work structure is healthy and necessary. You may not like to follow structure and timeliness at home and at play, but you are able to at work because often that is what it demands.
However, if there is too much of a difference between who you are, at your core, in these different environments, that may be a problem.
For example, if most people in your life experience you as easy going and fun, yet while you are at home you are isolated, depressed and angry, I would consider it something that needs attention. This example would not be an adaption to your environment, but instead evidence of disharmony or incongruence in your life.
Why is this important?
This is important, because finding more harmony with yourself in these areas will likely increase quality of life.
But let’s not forget the practical side of congruence.
Practically, it will also be easier to live. It’s a lot of work to be constantly feeling like you have to be a different person for different environments.
If there is too much of a difference in these areas, I would say a few things…
I would wonder if you have trouble being honest and accepting of who you really are. Let’s be real, if you didn’t struggle with this at some point in your life, I would question your humanity! But, if this is a chronic struggle, I would wonder if you need more support and acceptance of who you are.
We all have a need to be supported and accepted? Increasing your quality of life may come from placing a stronger focus on those who support and accept you.
What’s the danger in carrying on with too many faces?
If this disharmony and incongruence is chronic and goes on too long in your life, depression can become a nasty byproduct. Depression can happen quickly, with too many surface relationships, and too few deep and honest relationships.
If this is an area you struggle with, invest in support. Move closer to those who truly care about your well-being. People generally have those who are somewhat invested in your life out of geographical location, social contract and family. What I’m suggesting is relationships that involve a deeper investment and connection. These relationships may affirm honesty and acceptance in your life.
The goal is to become increasingly more accepting and honest of who you truly are. As this part of yourself becomes healthier, you are freed up to invest more into life, other people and a better quality of life.
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Mental Health & Journaling 