Just a quick detour from the anxiety cycle:
This week I am reminded of the importance of monitoring expectations.
Our expectations of ourselves and others are connected to our emotional health.
In times of high stress and lots of change, please allow yourself the gift of lowered expectations.
This past weekend my family and I moved homes. Oh! It was such a long process, but we survived. Our new apartment has a great deck that is primed for inspirational writing, not to mention perfect for morning coffee!
Here’s my new view:
Not only have we changed addresses, but my husband and I have also transitioned into parenthood and new jobs, all in the last year. This week has been a good reminder to keep expectations in check during the transitions.
In those times of transition, expectations may need to be changed to allow room for life to happen.
Other transitions I think of….getting married, divorced, changing relationships, moving or losing a friend or family member. These events of high stress need a lot of our attention and emotional space. It is a good time to perhaps manage and set realistic expectations for your routine, laundry, workouts, relationships, maybe even what you expect out of life for that time.
Please do not hear me say we should give up on our goals, vision and settle.
Expectations do not need to be lowered forever, but maybe for a time so that you are allowing flexibility, gentleness and maybe even a bit of humor in your life.
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Anyways, let’s move on to the last part of the anxiety cycle today.
Today we are going to discuss self-talk.
Self-talk is what we say to ourselves either verbally or mentally. Your self-talk may be happening for the most part, subconsciously. However, even if our self-talk has been mostly subconscious, it is very powerful.
-Self-talk is powerful because it is an indication of what we believe about ourselves.
-Self-talk is powerful because it can be our internal tape recorder
-Self-talk is powerful because it often represents messages that affect our view on life.
Because self-talk is so powerful, it is important to bring these messages to the surface and become aware of them.
Why is self-talk important in managing anxiety?
Self-talk sets the stage for how we feel about ourselves. Self-talk has potential to be anxiety-reducing or anxiety producing.
Someone whose self-talk is anxiety-producing may often be prone to negative thinking:
This person may be very hard on themselves. They may often have internal messages that run a theme of failure.
Someone whose self-talk is anxiety-reducing may often be more prone to positive thinking:
This person may give themselves a break and often be kind to themselves. They may often have internal messages that are helpful and “on your side.”
For the big picture.
Eventually we will discuss changing our self-talk if it is too…
-Black & white
-Extreme
-Unrealistic
-Negative
However, today is dedicated to increasing your self-talk awareness.
Most people do not speak out loud these internal messages. However, many believe these internal messages that then influence behavior and thoughts.
It may seem silly to think about the things that we say to ourselves, but these messages are very powerful.
To encourage you, I have seen many experience better quality of life by becoming aware of the messages they are listening to. Becoming aware gives you the control of whether or not you allow it to influence you.
So where does self-talk come from?
Self-talk is often a learned behavior
Just as children learn to talk interpersonally, they also learn self-talk.
Parents, mentors, siblings, friends and others contribute to how we learn to talk to others and ourselves.
It might be a good idea to think about the above sources and answer a basic question:
Were the people in my developing years (parents, mentors, siblings, friends, etc) prone toward negative or positive communication?
In our developing years we are a sponge to the influences around us. Please resist the temptation to blame others, but see it as an opportunity to decide how you want to live as an adult. Learning and developing is only part of our story, adulthood comes with the freedom to now choose how you want to live.
How do we awareness in our self-talk?
To begin, you may have to
slow down…
The hardest part of increasing awareness in this area is slowing down and becoming mindful of what we are saying to ourselves. Being mindful of our self-talk takes the investment of time, slowing down and listening to ourselves.
It will probably not be possible to right away be mindful of our self-talk all-day, everyday!
For now, it might be possible to try it for 5, 10 or 15 minutes in one day or in one conversation. Try it, begin looking honestly at your self-talk and internal messages. It also may be powerful to put your self-talk on paper or in a conversation with a friend. The action of externalizing self-talk might be quite helpful in growing your awareness.
As the awareness section begins to come together, next week we will take a look at the big picture of the anxiety cycle and the three pieces working together (triggers, physical symptoms and self-talk). Have a great week!
Photo Credit: http://www.courtneyalyson.com
Mental Health & Journaling 